Eat, Pray and Love Life and Law
As I reach or should I say celebrate my 28 years in legal practice, I look back at what I have learnt during my life as a lawyer. I did not choose law. I think law chose me. If I did not listen to my father at 19 to take up law, I would have become a social work professional, which is my first love.
His one statement still rings within me: “You can be a lawyer and still help people.” I am glad that I listened to him as people of my generation did then.
The other influence in my life was the time I spent working in the family law firm of Ann Tan & Associates before I completed my legal education. My fascination for family law started from there and it has not abated to this day. Dr Anamah Tan’s endless passion, the strong stand she made for divorcing couples, especially women and her relentless pursuit of the law left an indelible impression on me.
I did not plan my legal career, much less my personal life. Working in one of the oldest and largest law firms in Singapore for the first six years of practice further ingrained in me the values of working hard (the joke then was that the legal assistants, as we were known then, started our second shift at 6pm) and producing excellence in our work.
During the fourth year of legal practice, the entrepreneurial bug bit me. I wanted to start my own law firm, which I finally did in my seventh year of practice.
What makes a lawyer? How does our personal life intertwine with our career as a lawyer? Life values and experiences mould us as lawyers. Who we are in life is who we are as lawyers.
I share some of the lessons I have learnt in my professional career so far.
Be Humble
Being a member of one of the elite professions in the world, we take pride in our achievements, our career and the social status we enjoy in society. At the same time, we must show kindness, empathy, consideration and support towards others.
Be of Service
One of the reasons why lawyers leave the profession is not being able to manage clients’ expectations. Why do clients behave in the way they do? What is their goal? What is their motivation? Understanding the clients and their psyche is important. Building a rapport with them is key.
I have a friend who subsequently became my financial planner. No matter how big or small a matter is, he will be physically with his client to attend to them. I was embarrassed when I could not use a financial services app and he travelled to my home on more than one occasion to help me. He will remember every single of his clients’ needs and will follow up with them conscientiously. Through his actions, he reminded me what excellent service to a client is.
With the formation of a relationship with a client, trust is built. The clients then start to like and understand you. They will be accommodating if you need more time to serve them.
During my recent hospitalisation and post-recovery, a number of my clients said to me: “Focus on your health. It is more important than my case.” They then checked on me regularly.
Legal Brethren First and Opponents Second
I have observed many times some fellow lawyers display different personality traits socially and professionally. They are friendly in the social sphere and when they are your opponents in a legal matter, they turn aggressive, unreasonable and difficult. Litigation is not about being the Goliath. It is about being professional, courteous, reasonable, showing understanding and conducting the case in the best way for the clients. You can be a David and yet be a good litigation lawyer.
It is difficult to accept and respect such opposing counsels as colleagues in the Bar during a social context again. We are respected first as a person and then as a lawyer.
Law is a Calling and Not a Job
It is common knowledge that law is a stressful and time-consuming vocation. It is not a 9 to 5 job. If we are working as lawyers to make a living only, I always say there are many other less intense ways of meeting our financial goals.
When my niece whom I am very close to wanted to study law and later changed her mind, she asked me whether she will disappoint me if she does not choose law. I replied, “Definitely not. You should only study law if you are fascinated by it and want to make a career out of it.”
I feel that we must be passionate about lawyering. For passion to be created, we must be very clear about why we are doing this work. The why may change over time. We need to review and remind ourselves often of the why of lawyering. We must enjoy it, at least on most days.
Personal Life Must Be in Order First
At a recent Family Court hearing, I informed the Judge before the hearing commenced that I may have to interrupt the hearing to take a telephone call from the hospital as the Wife was in the hospital for a day surgery. He asked whether I was able to conduct this hearing under the given circumstances. I assured him I could function well.
How we manage our personal life will determine how we perform professionally. If we are facing problems in our life, it will be difficult to perform well in our job. Take the time to deal with such problems. Mental well-being, self-care, taking time off work and flexible work arrangements are equally or more important work benefits than gym memberships and mobile phone reimbursements.
A happy life will make us happy lawyers.
A Positive Mindset
Keeping up with law practice requires a positive mindset. Creating and sustaining such a mindset requires practice. It starts with addressing our negative thoughts. If we let it fester, it will affect us mentally which will then affect us physically. I recall being unhappy during a particular period in my last job. I experienced regular heart palpitations and fell sick easily which took me a long time to recover. In my current law practice, I do not experience such health issues at all.
Find your personal systems of handling work and your personal life. Both are important and at times, you need to spend more time on one than the other. Develop your own self-care habits. For me, it is sitting by myself and listening to my thoughts at the beginning of the day. I watch Netflix and cable TV on my phone to end the day. Coffee is my constant companion throughout the day.
Like many, I did not plan to and did not think I will remain in law practice for such a long time. At first, I thought I would do it for just three years and later I thought I’d quit at the age of 50. Not too long ago, I wanted to quit entirely and retire early.
Retirement is something you have to think about. You will suddenly find yourself with a lot of free time on your hands. What activities are you going to do to occupy yourself? What will you do to keep your mind active and still live a purposeful life?
A friend said to me: “Please. Continue your work. There is still so much to do. People need your services. You cannot stop.” I finally made up my mind and was comfortable with my decision – to continue my work as a family lawyer and make an impact on people’s lives, marriages and families for as long as I physically and mentally can.
Or maybe, it is just the case of no rest for the wicked!
